Cover Letter for Your Love Life

So I've been on this OkCupid website for a few months now. Been on lots of dates- some good, many bad - and had one brief relationship in the summer (if you can call something that which lasted only a month; it felt like one, or the beginnings of one that could have been.) Looking back, I'm so happy I'm not with that person anymore as we weren't well-suited to eachother at all, nor did we really have a terrible amount of things to talk about.

The theme of relationships has been HUGE in my life this past year since moving to New York. Whereas in Toronto, I hardly dated, in New York, it's been like dating boot camp, I have dated more than I ever have in my entire life. Is dating something you get better at the more you practice? (Like interviewing?...but let's not fall into that frame of thinking, the worst thing ever is being on a date where you feel like it's an interview, and you can't ever really relax because the person across from you is clearly going through their mental checklist of does-she-meet-my-criteria?)

Dating in New York. Dating. Dating? In New York?...WTF? Dating in New York = extremely frustrating.

There was an article I came across a few weeks ago from The Huffington Post by Juliet Jeske called Dating After Divorce In a City of Sluts. A recent divorcée, she writes about her own experience getting back into the New York City dating scene and describes it as "the survival of the sluttiest" and how it's mainly a "try before you buy" culture. In my short time of living here - one year September 1st! - I would have to agree with her to an extent. People get bored of eachother really quickly here, it seems, and if you're not willing to give it up, or something up, within a few times of meeting eachother, it's like, "next!"

Finding myself frustrated with the endless back and forth of messaging and dates that lead to nowhere, this morning, I decided to disable my OkCupid account. It will appear deleted to other people, but if I log back in, all my profile data will be restored (vs. just plain out deleting it permanently).

Another blogger, The Naked Red Head (hope I got the address correct), wrote how she disabled hers since she found it be a huge suck of her time, and that it made meeting someone feel "forced", taking away the "natural"-ness of meeting someone in-person for the first time and feeling an attraction - something you can't get from a picture on a screen and the witty banter of their profile write-up.

I think people write off many a potential date due to bad pictures. Wouldn't it add a more human element to the whole thing if you could post a video greeting of yourself, versus a written profile? This way, the people who view it could see how you look, sound, the way you move and your body language, most of which you can't convey via writing or pictures. How many people do you know that don't look anything like they're pictures?

Anyhoo, haven't posted on here for a long time now, and this is some of what's been on my mind as of late.

More to come.

I Dreamt a Dream

Last night, or this morning, I had a strange dream.

I dreamt that I was living in an apartment that a was huge garage converted into an apartment. Think, United States of Tara when Kate makes friends with the artist who has her apartment/studio in a garage (one wall is the garage door with all the windows in it).

There were lots of cats sitting in different places in the apartment, cats of different colors, and I was trying to figure out how to get them homes I guess. Then there were cockroaches, and the superintendent was there trying to kill them. BIG roaches. One of them had crawled up my body and was resting on my left collarbone.

Then I went to the washroom, and the tub faucet was turned on, the water was about to spill over the side of the tub, I was trying to turn it off.

So this morning, I did as I usually do when I have a strange dream, I visit DreamMoods.com and look up the various things that stuck out to me in the dream. Below I've copied/pasted the meanings the website has given, and in light of what's going on in my life right now, the explanations make a lot of sense to me.

*Symbols and write-ups below are from DreamMoods.com*
Bathtubs 
To see or be in a bathtub in your dream suggests a need for self-renewal and escape from everyday problems. You need to rid yourself of the burdens that you have been carrying. Alternatively, it indicates your mood for love and pursuit of pleasure and relaxation.

Cockroach 
To see a cockroach in your dream symbolizes uncleanness. It also signifies longevity, tenacity and renewal. You need to reevaluate major aspects of your life. Alternatively, the dream represents an undesirable aspect of yourself in which you need to confront. A roach may also be a pun on smoking marijuana.

Cat 
To see a cat in your dream symbolizes an independent spirit, feminine sexuality, creativity, and power. It also represents misfortune and bad luck. The dream symbol has different significance depending on whether you are a cat lover or not....(this one goes on for a while to explain different significances of cats in dreams)...

I find that my dreams help me to process and make sense of life, often they "speak to me" as the expression goes. Do you find that dreams help you to work through stuff too? Or do they seem more like nonsense and just your unconscious mind playing around and decompressing? Have you had any dreams that have freaked you out because they're so true to life or seem like premonitions to something that then happens in your waking life? I'd be interested to hear/read your dream stories.

I'll leave you with a picture of my newly adopted cat! Happy Saturday!

Asian-Inspired Veggie Cutlets

To the beat this heat, just add more heat and it already feels cooler, no?

It's so easy to eat out most of the time, especially in New York, where kitchen space is often non-existent, or if you share with roommates, the avocado you bought a month ago and forgot about is likely to have become a black, mushy, rough ball of rotten vegetable casualty. You can easily spend $3.50 on breakfast, $8.00 on lunch and $12.00 on dinner here, and with the intent of making the effort to be more careful with my cash, tonight, I cooked.

Asian-inspired veggie "ground beef" cutlets topped with shredded pickled ginger and spicy thai-peanut sauce!

 

 

My roommates said these tasted a lot like hash-browns. For me, my Memme's (my mother's mother) sealiha kottlettid (ground pork cutlets) inspired this thrown together recipe. She made these all the time for me when I was little and I couldn't get enough of them!

Here's my version:
- 1 small sweet onion, finely chopped
- 1 egg, to mash into the ground veggie "beef"
- 1 tube (1 lb.) of any brand of ground veggie "beef"
- Adobo seasoning (the kind "with pepper") to taste
- Soy sauce to taste
- 1 stalk of green onion, finely chopped
- Bread crumbs, to coat the mixture

Mash everything together and form small (2" in diameter) patties, then pat them on a plate you've set aside with bread crumbs (Japanese panko bread crumbs are good). Then in a pan with heated olive oil, fry the patties til browned (about 2-3 minutes per side).

Serve hot with thai-peanut sauce and garnish with picked ginger. (A side of broccoli goes well to make this dish complete!)

Blue Monday

Today, I feel tired.

But other people have bigger problems than me and I don't want to be selfish.

On a poppier note, my trainer made me do the Dying Cockroach tonight, twice. Once for 45 seconds, then again later for 30 seconds. It's known as the Bicycle in fitness circles, you lay on your back and flail your arms and legs in a motion supposed to resemble cycling. Personally, I think they've got it all wrong.

Epiphanies

So I had an epiphany last night, while laying on my friend's bed, spacing out, and waiting for my turn to play video games, it occurred to me that all the guys I've dated in my twenties up to this point, (except for one), were tall, bearded and emotionally unavailable.

This is kind of a medium-size deal to me as I've been doing some thinking, (mainly over the past few days), about what attracts me to a guy; and what better way to find that out than to look at the similar traits they all shared. When the last trait popped into my head, it kind of surprised me, "Is this what I find attractive?" Don't we all though? Will I grow out of this? I really hope so, because it sure as heck isn't doing me any good. It's been said that the first step to finding a solution is admitting you have a problem. If evolution could be true, then why haven't we women evolved past the going-after-the-emotionally-unavailable-male trait? Hmm?

The last guy I dated was a wonderfully chivalrous and lovely person, and then one day, out of nowhere, I get dumped in a park on a hot and humid Tuesday evening after work. To say I wasn't hurt, I was. We'd only been seeing each other for a month, but the dude who I said I wouldn't let myself fall for, well, I did. Not only was my heart sore, it kind of hurt my pride too. One thing that I'm really proud of myself for though, is that there's nothing that could have played out differently over that one month that would've lead to a different outcome. I played my cards right, I kept my girlish cool, I let him take the lead and pursue, I did not behave like the clingy, insecure person I used to be in a relationship (if you could call it that). I've changed a lot in the last 10 months living here. It feels good, sometimes it hurts like a bitch, but overall, it feels good.

I believe that with each person we meet, date, or just plain old spend time with, we are given an opportunity to learn about ourselves and to grow. I don't mean to sound like it's all good and I'm not still sad, but it's my duty to pick up the pieces, dry my tears (there were very few, just a slightly damp cheek) and get back on the figurative saddle. I owe it to no one else but myself.