Epiphanies

So I had an epiphany last night, while laying on my friend's bed, spacing out, and waiting for my turn to play video games, it occurred to me that all the guys I've dated in my twenties up to this point, (except for one), were tall, bearded and emotionally unavailable.

This is kind of a medium-size deal to me as I've been doing some thinking, (mainly over the past few days), about what attracts me to a guy; and what better way to find that out than to look at the similar traits they all shared. When the last trait popped into my head, it kind of surprised me, "Is this what I find attractive?" Don't we all though? Will I grow out of this? I really hope so, because it sure as heck isn't doing me any good. It's been said that the first step to finding a solution is admitting you have a problem. If evolution could be true, then why haven't we women evolved past the going-after-the-emotionally-unavailable-male trait? Hmm?

The last guy I dated was a wonderfully chivalrous and lovely person, and then one day, out of nowhere, I get dumped in a park on a hot and humid Tuesday evening after work. To say I wasn't hurt, I was. We'd only been seeing each other for a month, but the dude who I said I wouldn't let myself fall for, well, I did. Not only was my heart sore, it kind of hurt my pride too. One thing that I'm really proud of myself for though, is that there's nothing that could have played out differently over that one month that would've lead to a different outcome. I played my cards right, I kept my girlish cool, I let him take the lead and pursue, I did not behave like the clingy, insecure person I used to be in a relationship (if you could call it that). I've changed a lot in the last 10 months living here. It feels good, sometimes it hurts like a bitch, but overall, it feels good.

I believe that with each person we meet, date, or just plain old spend time with, we are given an opportunity to learn about ourselves and to grow. I don't mean to sound like it's all good and I'm not still sad, but it's my duty to pick up the pieces, dry my tears (there were very few, just a slightly damp cheek) and get back on the figurative saddle. I owe it to no one else but myself.